


Saltwater

by Deanspain



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Hawaii, M/M, Slow Build, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-15 06:04:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7210889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deanspain/pseuds/Deanspain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So tell me, Steve. How long have you lived here?”  Bucky leaned his elbows on the table, his posture was relaxed, but Steve got the feeling that Bucky was studying him with laser like focus.</p><p>“Two years and a couple of months.” </p><p>“Do you like it here?”</p><p>“I love it. How about you, do you like it here so far?”</p><p>“It’s growing on me. Pretty quick too.” He let out a laugh and Steve looked back at him. It was hard to read him. Bucky was answering his question, but he wasn't really telling him anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Warm Sand

**Author's Note:**

> So this story has really grown and become much longer and bigger than I intended it to be. I want to make it VERY CLEAR that I have no intentions of offending or hurting anybody from Hawaii. I was simply inspired by the place and the surroundings of it.  
> See notes at the end for more details about it ( don't wanna accidentally spoil anything). 
> 
> This has come to alive thanks to a close friend of mine that is obsessed with Stucky and I have just been so inspired by her and some of the other amazing works I have read on this site. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

_Tasha._  
_I've been feeling things lately. It feels like everything is slowly coming back to me like waves. Feelings and memories, it's all catching up with me. Clint said that a feeling of regret and guilt might hit me like a price for it, but for now I still feel no guilt, regret or remorse._  
_I'm not justifying myself though, I know what I have been doing is not right, but it was not wrong either. That's why I'm not turning myself in, that's why I'm not giving up any names or anything like that, I'm just retiring and leaving the mess to handle itself. I'm not sure what I'm looking for, maybe happiness or maybe just a steady place where I can find a hobby._  
_Don't be mad at me, Tasha. I'm not betraying or leaving you, if you want to find me you're very welcome to do so, just don't bring the rest. Its all boring and colourless to me now. I don't see any purpose in it._  
_With hand on my heart I wish you only well._

_P.S Don't wait too long to take what's truly yours, both the man and the power._

 

—  
The sun was touching the ocean at the horizon when Steve finally stopped running. His shirt was drenched in sweat and his legs ached pleasantly from a nice long run. It didn’t take him long to calm down and start breathing normally again. The beach and forrest buzzed with warmth, but there was a cooling wind coming in from the ocean. The sun was setting quickly and with hurried hands Steve managed to pull his phone free from his arm-case and take a photo of the beautiful scenery. The sky was painted in shades of blue, pink and purple, and the clouds looked like soft cotton candy. The ocean itself was as intense as always, the waves strong and powerful, an inviting swirl of shades of blue.

With a happy sigh Steve took his shoes of and went down to the beach. The sand was warm and soft against his bare feet. He walked around for a bit just watching the ocean from different angles before he sat down in the sand close enough for him to be able to touch the waves with his toes. He sat there and watched the sunset, enjoying the moment, the silence, the peace and the beauty. Moving to Hawaii had been the best choice he had ever made. He had spent his teenage years taking care of his sick mother and two months before his 17th birthday she died in a hospital bed, holding his hand. She had passed away peacefully, she had smiled at him and told him that she was so proud of him, that she saw a great goodness in him and her only wish was for him to never change. She had kissed his bony fingers and fallen asleep. He had stayed with her till her heart stopped beating, he had kissed her head and told her goodbye before he had walked out and gone home with his dad. He had packed his things before going back to his dad’s house, where he spent two years like a ghost, then his dad sent him to the military.

He spent three years at war, wasting his life and taking others’. He had been slowly losing his mind when he got the mission to save Tony Stark, a rich guy that owned one of the world’s biggest weapon companies, which had done most of the saving himself. All Steve had to do was to pick him up and get him back to the base where he could be treated for his wounds and then sent back to his home, his empire that was built on what had almost killed him. Steve had laughed at the irony and straight up told Mr.Stark that. Mr. Stark - (“Call me Tony. I might be an asshole but I’m not my dad at least.”) Tony had laughed with him and told him that he had thought about it too. The two hour drive back to the base had brought them close as none of them gave a fuck about the cold professionalism that was forced upon them. They spent the whole ride talking and Steve found out that Tony was a brilliant man, a genius like no other, but what really caught his attention was that the man had that hero-heart buried under thick layers of self hatred, loneliness and anger. In return Steve had told him his story and how he was trying to stay good and do what was right even though it was killing him. Tony had just closed his eyes, leaned his head back and told him what he had feared the most.

“One year ago a young 15 year old kid held a gun against my head in my own home. She was shaking and crying. She had screamed and asked over and over why I had killed her parents and her sisters. She asked why I had destroyed the photos of them, her mom’s jewellery, her dad’s fishing gear, her sisters’ dolls and everything that was a proof of them ever even being real. She never took the shot. She just fell to her knees and cried and cried, saying she missed them so much. The person that had the most reasons in the whole world to kill me, the girl that hated me with every cell of her body didn’t take the shot because she couldn’t kill me because she knew that somebody would miss me. Since then I started to look into where my clients put my weapons to use, who they target and who they showered with bombs with my name on. Let’s just say I hated what I found out and I decided to quit the weapon industry. Simple as that. I was supposed to reveal the decision to the press a week ago, but that didn’t quite work out and here I am, almost killed by the men I worked with for 20 years with, the good men that I trusted with dangerous toys. It’s all corrupt, buddy and it’s killing you because you don’t really know who you are killing and who you are defending. You want to do good and there’s this feeling of heroic goodness about you. They call you the perfect soldier, but you have a bit too much brains for that. You are a leader, Rogers. You need the power to choose for yourself what side you are on.”

Saving Tony was the last mission Steve ever went on, he had resigned and had gone through that whole process of having to go through his history out on the field. He had gotten some medals and a ceremony, which Tony had attended. Tony had come out to the press about his decision, put four of his old employees in jail and started working on new projects with green energy as the main theme. He had looked stronger and healthier and there had been much less scandals about him after that. They had greeted each other like old friends and celebrated their changes by drinking and talking in some downtown bar. That was the last time Steve saw him before he moved to Hawaii. Tony had given him his private number for “if anything ever comes up and you need something you can call and i can pretty much do anything”. Steve had saved it and held onto it dearly. With a strong hug they parted and Steve slept off his hungover at his mom’s house. The next morning he had put the house up for sale, pulled some strings and found a beach house in Hawaii. He had packed and saved everything he loved, and he spent his last day in the house making portraits of the empty rooms with close details of every scratch, stain, crack and mark that his childhood had left on them. When he left the house for the last time it felt like he was saying goodbye to his mom all over again.

It hadn’t taken him long to start loving the place. The new house wasn’t very big but it held a strong charm, he fell in love with the ocean already after the first night as it lulled him to sleep and he fell in love with the sun that kissed his face good morning every day. The small town’s people took him in like a lost brother, teaching him their traditions and culture. They shared their food with him and they raised him. His neighbours welcomed him warmly, they showed him what to do to make sure that the house didn’t get too hot and how to look out for the burning hot sand. He took up the job as a life guard and a couple of kids taught him how to surf. He made friends and the old ladies at the market taught him about the island’s best fruits and vegetables. He starting painting more, he started diving and he started hiking.

He felt alive. He felt happy.

It was starting to get a big chilly as the sun had set completely. It never got really cold, but his sweat had dried and he consider going for a little swim. He decided against it as the wind got a bit stronger. It was better to just head home. He put his shoes back on and walked back to the road from where he had come from. He was just going to make sure that he hadn’t dropped anything at the beach when a light caught his eyes. On the other side of the beach was a small house that was placed almost a bit hidden behind trees with it’s own private beach. Nobody lived there and for all Steve knew nobody new had moved into the small town. If somebody had then people would be talking about it, preparing welcoming gifts and a curiosity about the person would lead everybody’s eyes to whom the new person was. Steve was close friends with the old ladies at the market and they always told him the town’s news. They could probably start their own little local news channel as they always knew what was going on, but they hadn’t mentioned anything about a new person moving to their town. Steve looked over at the house trying to see if he could see anybody. He thought he saw a shadow of somebody walking past the window, but the house was too far away for him to be sure. With a last glance he turned around and started jogging back home. For some reason he felt watched as he left the smaller beach, but he was sure it was just his mind playing tricks on him because of the window lights. He forgot all about them when he came home.

He showered and ate a sandwich before going to bed. Once he had laid down comfortably in his bed he realised something. With clumsy hands he looked around for his phone on his bed side table. As soon as his fingers found it he was opening it and going into his photo album. He looked at the picture he had taken of the sunset. It had been rather hurried without much finesse so of course it could have been better, but then he just wanted the colours, now though he was interested in a little detail. In the right corner at the bottom you could see a bit of the private house. Then he found what he had was looking for, in the small corner he could see someone standing with their back to him, looking out over their own beach. Steve zoomed in on the silhouette and wondered how the hell he could have missed them. They probably saw Steve though. He blinked a couple of times before he closed the phone and put it back. He laid there for a second with a weird feeling in his chest, before he rolled over to his side and let the waves sing him to sleep.

-

The rain came out of nowhere, drenching him completely in just two seconds. It didn’t take long for the roads to become muddy and hard to follow. Dirt was splashing against his legs and some drops even made their way all up to his face. He had to stop running and start walking if he didn’t want to be completely covered in mud, dirt, stones and god knows what else the rain brought down on him. He wasn’t sure how long he walked with his arms wrapped around himself with the rain heavily beating down on him, but he was shivering by the time he finally heard a car coming in close from his behind. He quickly turned around and stuck his thumb out, praying that whoever drove the car would stop and help him out a bit. The car slowed down as it neared him and even though he didn’t recognise it he was thankful when the car stopped and a voice asked if he needed a ride. With a quick “yes, please” he got into the car.

Steve’s wet white shirt and black running pants stuck to his body like a cold second skin. His phone was completely drenched in his pocket and there was a small puddle forming around his shoes on the car floor. The car started and Steve looked up from his shoes to look at the driver, to thank him for helping him out and maybe make some talk. But the moment he looked up he got dumbstruck. The driver was one of the most handsome men Steve had ever seen. His eyes traveled over the man’s profile and his fingers itched for a pen and paper so that he could draw him. The man’s hair was put up in a small bun, but some hair strands still hung over his eyes, probably wet from the rain. His features were breathtaking, the strong jawline, the lips, the eyes and even the stubble were all perfect and Steve hoped he would get the opportunity to draw him, or maybe to at least remember him good enough detail to paint him from his memory.

“So where to?” The man’s voice was rough and soft at the same time.

“I live along this road, the light blue house just before the Long Beach.” Steve explained as he looked over at the road. Everything looked like a blur of colours in the rain, but the man seemed hardly bothered by it.

“You are my closest neighbour then.”

“You live in the house of Long Beach?” The rain seemed to be even heavier now, but Steve could barley hear the water drops that crashed against the car window.

“Yes. Moved in two days ago.”

“Are you here to stay or is it more of a vacation house?”

“Still deciding.”

Steve wasn’t sure of how fast they drove but he didn’t get to ask much more as the car came to a stop right in front of his house. Steve thanked him and had just gotten out when he remembered that he never asked him about his name. He leaned against the car and held the car door close to his body so that it didn’t rain inside and leave an even wetter mess.

“By the way, I never got your name.” Steve had to almost shout as the sound of the rain was drenching everything.

“I’m Bucky.”

“Hi. I’m Steve.”

“Nice too meet you, Steve.”

“You too. Thanks for the ride and uh, have a nice rest of the day.”

“You too.” The beautiful smile that Bucky flashed him stuck to him for the rest of the day.

—

Steve smiled at the girl, Hokulani was the girl’s name which meant “divine star”. She had told him that as soon as he had introduced herself. Steve had decided to stay at work for his lunch break and draw some of the surroundings, but he hadn’t even started to get really serious with it before she had shown up. Hokulani had told him that she lived nearby and was used to seeing him at his lifeguard post. She had blushingly admitted that she was too shy to go up to him, but her sister had encouraged her to do it anyways. Steve had simply smiled at her and introduced himself back. They had chitchatted for a while before Hokulani told him why she wanted to talk to him in the first place.

“I noticed that you draw and paint. Mom says you are the one who made uncle Ano’s sea painting. It’s beautiful.” She looked at him with big eyes and even though he had done many paintings of the sea he still knew which one she talked about. Her uncle had captured one of the most beautiful pictures of the sea Steve had ever seen, where the play of colour and power was clearly shown. He had asked to borrow the picture and told Ano, who helped him with finding his way around the town, that he would be done in a couple of days. As soon as he had finished it he had given the photo back to Ano, but the older man had wanted to see Steve’s artwork. He had loved the painting and had wanted to buy it, but Steve had instead given it away and told him that it was a thank-you-gift for all the help he had received from Ano.

“Yes, I do. And thank you very much. I worked hard on that one. Do you want me to paint you one?” Steve’s heart melted when her face lit up even more, the excitement making her deep brown eyes light up like stars.

“Yes, please. Could you…Could you paint me?” Her smiled didn’t fade and she said it with confidence but Steve could see the shy blush on her cheeks that blossomed.

“I can. How do you want me to paint you?” The moment the words left Steve’s mouth he knew that she had already planned it through as she quickly got up to her feet.

“I have this dress that is really pretty and these flowers. Wait, I’ll quickly go get it, okay?” She didn’t let him answer as she turned around and ran back to the house area. Steve laughed as he watched her go before looking down on his sketch block. He looked around for an empty page and made sure all of his colour pencils were sharp. He was just done setting everything up when she came back. Her barefoot made almost no sound as she quickly made her way over the sand and to the bench Steve was sitting on.

Hokulani was wearing a white long soft dress with fluffy short sleeves. It had a floral print of hibiscus and heliconia. Her dark brown hair was put up in a bun with red lehua blossoms covering it like an halo. She looked beautiful and Steve could already tell that this was going to be one of the best portraits he had ever made. He didn’t have to tell her to get in any kind of pose or anything as she naturally sat down, tilted her head up a bit and gave him a soft smile. It took him the whole break to get a good sketch, with the details and colours roughly in place for him to be able to paint it later.

“It’s done. It’s just a rough sketch though. The actual painting will take a bit longer to make than that.” Steve smiled at her as he gave her the sketch block. She bit her lip as she studied the sketch, her fingers followed the lines of her own face on the paper.

“Thank you, Steve.” She gave the sketch block back with a soft shy smile. They didn’t get any more chances to talk as it was time for Steve to get back to work. Hokulani gave him a hug before she quickly made her way home, probably to tell her mom about it. Steve laughed as he picked his things up and went back to his station.As soon as he got up in his little tower he decided to take another look at his sketch, before he put it in his bag and left it at that.

The day passed and Steve was actually exhausted by the time he got home. It had been a hot sunny day and he had wanted to take a shower the whole day. He stripped off his red work clothes and without needing to smell them he threw them in the washing bin. He picked up a towel and his phone, putting on some music before he jumped into the shower. The cooling water was a blessing against his skin. The first days had been wonderful but also horrible as he had gotten badly burnt. He had stayed inside for almost a week and avoided the sun, until the ladies in the market noticed what he was doing. They sold him the town’s own sunscreen and some cream for the burns, which worked like magic and after two years he finally didn’t even need it as long as he took care of it. That meant that he showered with organic soap and shampoo. The scent of lavender was filling the small bathroom along with Steve’s voice which was singing along to some pop song. People had asked him if he didn’t want to maybe bring somebody with him to Hawaii, get a roommate or maybe meet a girl before leaving. He understood that they were just worried that he would feel lonely, but honestly his life was good like this. He hadn’t found anyone to share these precious moments with yet, so loneliness was perfect till somebody came along and proved him wrong.

The song was just ending when he heard it. Somebody was knocking on his door, quite firmly too which meant they had probably been knocking for a while. Steve cursed as he quickly washed the last foam and soap off his body. He shut off the shower and the music before picking up the towel, wrapping it around his hips before rushing to open the door. His hair was dripping and water drops were decorating his naked upper body when he opened the door. Steve almost dropped his towel when he saw who stood on the other side of the door. There in the warm sunset light stood the handsome stranger Bucky. He was even more beautiful than Steve remembered him. Steve’s tongue twisted and voice got stuck in his throat. All he managed to get out was a squeaky “hi”.

“Hello, Steve.” Bucky had clear amusement in his voice. Steve tried to ignore the way Bucky’s smirk made his chest feel warm.

“So, eh, can I help you with anything?” This time it was Bucky that got caught off guard. Steve held back a smirk and that, as well as he tried to ignore the satisfaction of knowing that he had managed to distract the guy that was constantly putting him off balance.

“Yeah, or well I actually came by to give you this.” Bucky stuck his right hand out and Steve was surprised to see that he was holding his sketch block. He let go of the door to take the block back, he looked down on it before looking back at Bucky.

“I found it when I was exploring the area and I found this in the sand. It had your signature on it and it’s not hard to guess that you are the only Steve around.” Bucky explained and Steve smiled at him.

“Thank you. This is very important to me. First you save me from the rain and now you save my stuff. I should probably repay you somehow. Have you been to the town’s bar The Gold Sand?”

“Seeing you wet seems to be a running theme right now. And no, I haven’t.” Bucky seemed mildly amused by the whole situation and Steve wasn’t sure if he should be happy about it or not. It was weird how it felt as if Bucky was in complete control, as if every word and move was very well planned. That might be because Steve was the one standing practically naked with just a towel covering his private parts.

“It’s by the Yellow Beach which is on the other side of where you live. I can meet you up there in an hour and offer you some drinks as a thank you. If you are up for it?” Something crossed Bucky’s eyes, but it was gone before Steve could really get what it was.

“Sure. I’ll see you there, Steve.” With that Bucky turned around and started walking back to his car. “By the way you are pretty good. I’m impressed.” Steve mumbled out a thank you before he closed the door and leaned against it. He tried to keep the embarrassing smile of his face as he repeated Bucky’s words in his head. He was acting like some school girl that had just gotten a compliment from her crush on her skirt. He shook his head and put the sketch block on the counter in the hallway before making his way to the bathroom he had a shower and a song to finish first.

—  
Steve was there right on time. The sun had just set and it was a calm evening in the bar. A couple of elderly men were playing cards in one booth and talking about the day. Other than them there was one couple flirting heavily over some beer and a youngster sitting by himself on his phone eating some onion rings. Bucky didn’t seem to be there so Steve picked a booth in the corner and sat down there to wait. With nothing better to do he decided to spend his time by just playing around on his phone. He was completely focused on the phone game when a sudden hand on his shoulder scared him and made him drop his phone under the table, looking up he saw the handsome face of Bucky.

“Oh hi. Sorry I was waiting and I got a bit lost in that game.” Steve’s voice came out a bit breathless. Bucky didn’t say anything, but he raised his eyebrow in amusement and sat down next to him before he bent down and picked the phone up. Steve had never had any problems with close contact or anything like that but yet he seemed to be almost hyper aware of how close Bucky was sitting. They weren’t touching but Steve could smell Bucky’s cologne. It smelled like the ocean and sandalwood.

“I’m sorry for being late, but I got a bit stuck in some business on my way out. I hope you didn’t wait too long.” Bucky said it with a playful smile before giving Steve’s phone back. They fingers touched for a split second and Steve tried to ignore how electric the touch had felt. Bucky’s hands were warmer than his own and for some reason he suddenly had the urge to hold his hand.

“It’s fine and I haven’t waited for that long to be fair.” Before Steve could keep the small talk going a waitress came around and took their orders. Steve ordered a regular beer and to his surprise Bucky chose ginger beer for himself. As soon as the waitress left Steve was about to ask Bucky to tell him a bit about himself, but Bucky got there before him.

“So tell me, Steve. How long have you lived here?” Bucky leaned his elbows on the table, his posture was relaxed, but Steve got the feeling that Bucky was studying him with laser like focus.

“Two years and a couple of months.”

“Do you like it here?”

“I love it.”

The waitress came back and put their beer on the table. Steve smiled and said thank you to which she ruffled his hair and left once again.

“You seem to know and be friends with everybody on this island.” Bucky said it playfully as he took a sip from his beer. His eyes were still on Steve and Steve almost wanted to squirm a bit under the attention.

“It’s not hard to make friends with friendly people and I don’t actually know everybody. One of her kids taught me how to surf when I just got here so it’s not like I know her name or her as a person.” Steve shrugged as he tasted his own beer and looked around the bar. “How about you by the way, do you like it here so far?”

“It’s growing on me. Pretty quick too.” He let out a laugh and Steve looked back at him. It was hard to read him. Bucky was answering his question, but he wasn't really telling him anything.

“Why did you come here? What’s the reason behind you moving here?” Bucky asked the question straight out and it actually caught Steve off guard. This guy didn’t tip toe his way around things.

“Well I had a pretty messy life before it and I didn’t really have anyone, no family or bigger crowds of friends. I wanted peace, silence and simplicity.” Steve replied truthfully. “That’s a pretty personal question.”

“I’m a pretty curious person.” Bucky replied with a smirk and Steve licked his lips subconsciously. “I hope you don’t mind if I get a bit personal.” The words were dressed up in a friendly smile, but Steve could almost hear the darker tone of it.

“You mean like life stories and all that?” Steve asked him with as he finished his beer. Bucky had been putting him some weird state from the moment he met him and Steve really needed to get a grip on himself. Which he was actually doing, the more time he spent with Bucky the less intimidating he became. In fact he seemed like a really calm guy with a flirty and funny personality. It was probably Steve himself that had painted him like the mysterious hot guy that came to the island without anybody knowing and so on.

“I don’t see why not. We have already made some interesting memories so why not share some old ones?” Bucky finished his beer and looked expectingly at him.

“Touché. I used to be in the military, wasn’t really my thing.” Steve explained and he could see how something crossed over Bucky’s eyes, a certain revelation.

“Ah, the good american boy that became a soldier.” Bucky tilted leaned back, his arms came off the table to rest lazily against his sides as he tilted his bed to still look closely at Steve.

“Not that good since I obviously decided to leave.” Steve played nervously around with the bottle. He was never sure how people would react when he told him that he had decided to leave by choice. His father had raged at him and it had made it easy for Steve to cross him out from his life for good. Tony had praised him, his friends had been happy for him, but he could see the uneasy feelings that hid under their skin. It didn’t bother him since they had nothing to say in it since they hadn’t been there with him. What had made him calm was that he knew that he was making his mom proud once again. It still put him on edge to tell people about the decision, specially when it came to people he found to be very interesting, like Bucky for example. The waitress came around once again with another order of beer and even though Steve hadn’t ordered anything they still took it, thanking her for her service. She just winked at them before disappearing to help the elderly men.

“Good choice to be fair. How did you find this place?” Bucky’s voice sounded genuinely nice for once, as if he had finally dropped the suspicion and subtext he hid behind in his words. It made Steve relax and lean back too. He looked up at the celling as he tried to remember.

“I had a friend helping me out quite a lot actually. I was only 22 years old at that time and didn’t know much how things worked.” Steve chuckled at the memory. Tony had been so surprised over how little Steve had actually known about economy, but over one Skype call he had managed to balance Steve’s bank account, put his house up for sale and find Steve’s dream house.

“Wait, you were 22 when you came here and you have lived here for two years so you’re 24?” Bucky rolled his head to the side as he smiled at him. Steve felt himself smiling back.

“Amazing math skill. I’m truly impressed.” The comment made Bucky laugh and something warm spread out over Steve’s chest. “How old are you then?”  
That actually caught Bucky off guard as he seemed to stop to think, as if he had forgotten his own birthday. Who forgot how old they were?

“I am turning 30 in two months.” Bucky said it with a sly smile on his lips.

“What are you smiling at, old man?” Steve bit back and Bucky’s sudden big offended eyes brought him sweet satisfaction.

“First of all, I’m not old. I’m just older than you. When I was being able to buy own alcohol, you were just losing your virginity, little shit.” Bucky shot back and the scale was once again tilted in Bucky’s favour. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the rivalry or maybe his own stubbornness but Steve refused to let him win this round. Bucky raised his beer to his lips and Steve took the opportunity.

“Who said I ever lost it?” Bucky reacted exactly how Steve had hoped. He got distracted enough to not only choke a bit on the beer, but also to let some spill out over his chin. Steve couldn’t contain his laugh as Bucky tried desperately to recover and dry the beer on his chin.

“Dick move.” Bucky grunted out, but Steve could hear that he was amused as well.

“So you are 30? What do you work with? I mean since you could afford the most expensive house on the whole island?” Steve asked with a soft smile, liking the friendly atmosphere around them. Bucky licked his lips and looked down at his hands.

“You could call it family business.” Bucky didn’t let anything else slip, but he looked at Steve with challenging eyes, a small hint of something dangerous and Steve found himself being drawn in. For a second Bucky’s eyes reminded him of the ocean, it wasn’t only the colour but also the way they seemed ancient, as if they had seen things no one else had, a dangerous secret deep down that drew you in.

“You’ve beautiful eyes.” Steve blurted it out without thinking. He was about to apologise when Bucky started laughing.

“I’m sorry. You just seemed so focused I thought you were trying to read my mind or something.” Bucky managed to get the words out between laughs, slowly breathing in and out to calm down. “Thank you though. Am I pretty enough for you to draw me?” His tone was teasing and he wiggled his eyebrows at Steve.

Steve laughed it off, but the itch had settled into his hands, Bucky had no idea how badly he wanted to draw him. “Maybe.”

The rest of the night passed by as in a blur, Steve laughed and his heart skipped a couple of beats when Bucky laughed. Somehow the beer was switched to different drinks that tasted way too sweet. They competed who could drink the most and who could stuff their face with most olives. They had ended up sitting very close to each other, giggling like two children until the bartender lead them out. Driving was never an option and together they walked all the way back to Steve’s house. Bucky had smiled at him and leaned forward resting his elbow on Steve’s doorframe as Steve leaned against his door, simply smiling. The night was beautiful and the moonshine fell perfectly over Bucky’s face, making him look a like a God from the ancient greek mythology. There had been something silvery an shine in the corner of his eye but it had been impossible to look away from Bucky’s face.

“Goodnight, Steve.” Bucky left him with that, standing there agains his door and just watching him go. The sweetness of the drinks mixed with the sweet scent from the forrest and Steve felt as if he was drowning in the moonshine. He closed his eyes and listened to the ocean, let its breeze cool his heated skin as he slowly melted away with the lava that Bucky had put in his chest.

-

Steve hated being hungover, he didn’t even like drinking that much that he got one and he had always been a responsible drinker. Being hungover sucked and he didn’t want to be like his father. With a rough groan he slowly rose up from his bed. He was still in last night’s clothes, his shoes lazily thrown on the bedroom floor and for a second he couldn’t recognise himself. He didn’t remember when he got to bed or when even he had gotten home. His memory was just a blur of colours and Bucky’s smiles. He fell back down on the bed and let himself whine for a bit, before he once again forced himself up and made his way over to the kitchen.

Steve had never been a coffee guy but he felt as if he really needed it this time. While the coffee machine buzzed he quickly went around his house, looking for his phone. He found it lazily thrown on the sofa with zero battery. Yesterday had been fun and even though his head was killing him he couldn’t say that he regretted anything. The laughter and Bucky’s smile had left a warm fuzzy feeling in his chest. He put his phone to charge when the coffee machine made itself known with an angry beeping.

Once Steve had gotten his coffee and a couple of warm sandwiches he was already starting to feel better. He had always had an easy way to recovery, bruises, colds and sicknesses never lasted long with him. He assumed that it was the good genes from his grandpa who he never saw sick in any way. When he came back to his phone it had already charged up to twenty percent, showing nothing weird. No one had called him, but two people from work had texted him, nothing of direct need though. Steve ignored the disappointment of not seeing Bucky anywhere in his mentions. For the fun of it he decided to check his photos and even though he had hoped for it, it still surprised him. There were two selfies of him and Bucky. In the first picture they were laughing too much and the image was blurry as if Steve’s hand had moved in the middle of it. The other photo was made by Bucky and they both were smiling like two dorks, sitting a bit too close to each other, red cheeks and dazed eyes from the alcohol. Still it was a nice photo, clear and they both looked good, they looked truly happy. Bucky’s leather jacket laid next him and his hoodie clung nicely to his body. Steve hadn’t thought about it last night, but how the hell had he survived in that hot bar in a black thick hoodie with an additional leather jacket to it. Steve had yet to see him in normal summer clothes and with that thought a plan formed in his head.

The hour passed slowly, even though Steve was painting. Time usually ran away like sand in between his fingers when he sat down to paint. Hokulani’s portrait was slowly forming under his brush and Steve could tell that it would take a lot of patience and time to finish it, but it would be worth it in the end. Yet he felt an even stronger excitement when his phone alarm rang, telling him it was time. He put his brushes and colours away and changed into surfing clothes. His surfing board had been resting on the outside of his house and with gentle care he put it in the back of his car along with another one that he had received as a gift from the guys he worked with. When he was sure that he had everything he quickly got in the car and drove off to the mysterious house on the other side of the beach.

When Steve got to Bucky’s house his breathing had become heavier and his heart was beating wildly. He was nervous and he sat full five minutes outside Bucky’s home like a creep until he finally collected the courage to get out and knock on the door. In the few seconds of nobody answering Steve managed to panic four times, come up with ten different catastrophically bad scenes and stop himself from running away five times. Nothing prepared him from the sight that greeted him. Bucky was standing partly hidden behind the door, a sweaty white shirt clinging to a muscular torso, grey sweatpants showing of an impressive bulge and Steve had to force himself to look at his face without blushing. Bucky’s face was a bit shinny from sweat, his hair put up in a ponytail with hair strands falling over his forehead. Steve stood speechless for a second before he coughed awkwardly.

“Hi. Uh, I didn’t think you were going to be busy right now, but I kinda just wanted to come by and ask if you wanted to maybe go surfing for a bit with me? I know this great place and it’s a nice cure for hangovers.” Steve felt himself rambling, but Bucky was smiling softly at the end of Steve’s speech.

“Sure, why not? I’ll just get my wetsuit. I assume you’re going to teach me how to do it though. Let yourself in.” And with that Bucky disappeared into the house, leaving Steve alone to think if he had made the right choice or not. He looked around before nervously walking inside. The house was even bigger on the inside. Steve guessed that it was two floors, maybe a three. Bucky had disappeared to the second floor and Steve wandered a bit lost around the house. It almost looked like a penthouse, big windows covering the other part of the house, it was decorated in a simple modern matter with light furniture, the modern kitchen was in the corner and it looked as if Bucky still hadn’t unpacked completely. There were no pictures or any other personal belongings, except some books lazily thrown on a coffee-table. On the couch he could also see Bucky’s phone and for some reason it made him smile. It made him seem a bit more like a real human.

“You’re prom date is ready.” Bucky’s voice made him look up and on top of the white staircase he saw him standing dressed in an athletic wetsuit. Steve had seen obvious hints that Bucky was muscular, but with the whole wetsuit clinging to Bucky like a second skin he could actually see it fully. Bucky had incredibly strong arms, muscles bulking out and Steve’s throat was dry again. Same with Bucky’s legs and even though Bucky wasn’t the most muscular man Steve had ever seen there was still something about that power drew him in. Steve was only slightly smaller than him, but there was this smoothness and raw strength about him that Steve lacked completely. For a second Bucky almost seemed like a whole different creature, as if the light changed it’s shade and suddenly there stood something mysterious, something straight from the depths of the ocean, something dangerous. The moment passed quickly and Steve let out a soft laughed as he looked down.

“I’m sure you’d be crowned as the prom queen, no doubt.” Steve dared to look up at Bucky as he was coming down the stares with a soft grin.

“If you need to know; I have never been to a prom.” Bucky slipped past him, giving him this small piece of information as a gift. Of course Steve collected and stored it in his memory like a valuable treasure. Steve loved discovering people, loved painting them and putting them apart like puzzle pieces and see the picture they actually made. It had been useful in the military and fun doing it on his free time, but now with Bucky it felt like those two emotions emerged into one. It scared and excited him, but with Bucky walking in front of him with a tight wetsuit on, showing of teasing hints of back muscles and a nice full -

“Do I have to find my own surfboard? Because I don’t think I have one.” Bucky turned around to look at him, a soft smile on his lips and a knowing look in his eyes. Steve felt like a kid that had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“I have one for you.”

“Of course you do.” Bucky’s teasing smile was like feathers against his skin.

They could have probably used Bucky’s beach, but Steve had a special place in mind. Somewhere a bit more closed off, a place that Bucky would like for sure. Steve drove them there for a change and Bucky seemed a bit tense in the beginning which Steve pointed out, reassuring that he wouldn’t crash the car to which had gotten a mysterious “you couldn’t even if you wanted to”. They talked freely about the weather, the ocean and how to surf, but now and then they would have a moment where everything would go quiet except the engine of the car and the sound of the waves. They would look at each other and this feeling washed in over the space in the car. Steve couldn’t describe it, but it felt as if he had dreamed of this moment, as if this was meant to happen and it was one thing that would lead to something bigger. The feeling got too overwhelming and they would look away, both in thought before one of them broke the silence with a joke. It amazed him how much tension could happen during a thirty minute drive, but when they finally got there he didn’t have the feeling of relief that said “thank god that it’s finally over”. Instead it was more of a “oh” feeling. He ignored it and instead helped Bucky get his board out. From there the situation eased like a river and things flowed smoothly on.

The beach was closed of by high mountains and thick palm trees. Soft white sand made the floor and the blue heaven the roof. Flowers decorated the mountains along and the sound of waves echoed against them. It felt like a real life painting that you had stared for too long and it had ended up swallowing you.

They got out in the water and the first ten minutes was just Steve talking about how Bucky had to do, how he was supposed to stand and where to put his weight and balance. Bucky listened closely and it was unusually serious, but Steve liked it. He liked people he could joke around with, but also be serious and focused with. Bucky turned out to be the perfect student too, listened to every word that Steve said and took each advice. One part of Steve was jealous of how quickly Bucky learned to surf, barley one hour later Bucky was gracefully catching waves as if he was a part of them. Another part of Steve, a much bigger one, was amazed and he couldn’t get enough of the view. Bucky was focused on the board so Steve left himself look at Bucky as if he was starving for it, he followed the lines of his body, his eyes studied each move. He felt as if he was digging into him, pushing through some invisible barrier that held something hidden.

Then suddenly Bucky fell and Steve couldn’t stop the laugh that rose up from him. There was something so fresh and funny about it that Steve was still laughing as he laid down on his own surfboard and swam over to where Bucky was trying to get up on his board again. He finally made it, right as Steve sat up, his board bumping into Bucky’s. Bucky’s hair had fallen out from his place and was covering his face, but Steve saw a flashing white under it, Bucky was smiling too. With quick movements Bucky put his hair back up in a wet bun, and Steve’s laugh melted into a bright smile. He wondered for a second if he would ever get used to how beautiful Bucky was.

“I don’t know how I managed to do that, but I’m happy that you got a laugh out of it.” Bucky splashed some water at him and Steve bursted out in a short laugh again. Quickly calming himself he looked at Bucky with a teasing grin. He was about to comment on it, when his eyes caught the gloves that were covering his hands. Bucky noticed him look and brought them up to Steve’s face, wiggling his fingers.

“Aren’t they so pretty?” Bucky said with a bright feminine voice and Steve started laughing again.

The waves were slowly rocking them as they sat on their boards, close to each other with the sun high in the sky. It was starting to get dangerously hot and even though the water was a bit cooler than the sun it was still rather warm. They had been surfing for around two or three hours so they should probably eat too Steve thought.

“We should head back now because it’s about to get dangerously hot out here.” Steve pushed lightly at Bucky’s board to get himself a little push, but an unexpectedly big wave washed in and he was knocked into Bucky. He almost slipped from his board, but Bucky’s left arm kept him up.

“You okay?” Bucky voice actually sounded a bit worried under the tease. Steve hid the embarrassment under a soft annoyance.

“Of course I am.” Steve didn’t have the leverage to really move away, stuck in an awkward position where he looked like a damsel in distress holding onto her prince’s arm as his legs were trying to hold onto his board. Bucky held visibly back a laugh as he helped Steve up again, but he made the mistake of letting his guard down and Steve took advance of that because as soon as he was up properly on his board he pushed at Bucky, making him fall down into the water. Bucky’s board even got turned around in the process and an annoyed looking Bucky came up to the surface.

“You should not have done that.” There was a playful promise in that and Steve just raised his eyebrow at him, feeling cocky and brave. That was his mistake thought because Bucky disappeared under the water and a ticklish and nervous feeling spread over his body. He felt like a child that was being slowly found in hide and seek. For the first time he actually felt as young as he was. The surroundings were magical, he was surfing in warm water with an attractive man and - That attractive man just turned his board upside down with him still on it. It happened so quickly that he still had his eyes open even in the water. He came quickly up for air, coughing a bit from all the salt water that had filled his lungs.

“I hope I didn’t hurt you.” Came Bucky’s voice from behind him and Steve turned around. There in the water was Bucky, drops running down his stupidly attractive face as he with light movements kept himself floating. He was so close that Steve could feel the warmth of his skin, the smell of his hair mixed with the ocean and see the details in his irises.

“You have to try harder for that.” He had meant to sound playful but it came out serious and a bit seductive. In fact as soon as he had turned around and faced Bucky the whole situation had turned very different. Suddenly the warm water was way too hot and the air a bit heavier and maybe it was because Steve suddenly hyper aware. Slowly they moved even closer, the tension grew and Steve could feel it in his chest as certain buzzing started from his heart and into his veins. They didn’t say anything, but they looked at each other. Smiles and playfulness gone as shaky breathes and intense eyes replaced it. Steve was overwhelmed by it, but he didn’t want it to stop. He was slowly getting hard the closer they got. His lips were so close to Bucky’s now, just one more little movement and their lips would meet.

Of course that’s when his work phone started ringing angrily from the beach. Steve sighed and was about to sigh and apologise and say that he needed to go. Bucky of course saw that and with a “fuck that” Steve suddenly had a hand on his neck that pulled him in close, and he forgot all about that hand as his lips met Bucky’s. The kiss didn’t start gentle or rough, it started deep and overwhelming, just like everything with Bucky.

It was like warm liquid, from Steve’s lips it slipped down his throat and filled his chest. He didn’t even notice when his arms came to hold Bucky who held him right back. Bucky kissed him like he wanted to set him on fire, biting Steve’s lips before gently following the bites with his tongue. He lured him in and swallowed him. Steve’s head felt dizzy, skin warm and heart melted. They didn’t try to stay floating and slowly they sunk together into the deep blue.


	2. High Waves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that this chapter is enjoyable to read. The next chapter might not come out as this one due to me starting to work next week.   
> This story is not going to be left unfinished though. I have so much I wanna do with it.
> 
> Also I wanna remind that please tell me if I have fucked up something, grammar wise or something about Hawaiian culture. I have tried to do as much research as I could for this and I wondered if you guys would be interested in seeing some of the references I have used in the fanfic (houses, people, dresses etc)?

Steve was exhausted when he finally came home. The day had been long and Steve had been in constant movement. He had worked the whole day with everything from saving little kids, helping fishermen with their lines to helping renovate the beach-security house. He knew that he was a strong man, physically and mentally, but today had been a bit too long even for him. In fact it had been a long week, he had worked everyday as it was high-waves season and he had also stressed a bit about what he felt about the mysterious Bucky. The same Bucky that was on his couch watching the first Mission impossible film as if it was his own house. He was lazily laying with feet and arms outstretched completely, looking like a giant on Steve’s small couch. 

Steve wasn’t surprised to find Bucky in his home as he had shown up almost every day at Steve’s doorstep and then somehow also inside. He had been caught off guard the first five times it had happened, but that had quickly settled and he had rather soon gotten used to having Bucky around, specially since Bucky noticed that Steve didn’t eat too healthy and usually cooked something for him. All Bucky took in return was his old films, watching them with childlike amazement and Steve had found out that Bucky had never seen such classic films such as Titanic, Scarface and The Godfather. Steve hadn’t questioned it, but had instead just found joy in watching Bucky being all caught up in a film Steve had seen ages ago while eating some delicious meal. Steve wasn’t sure if it counted as dates or if they were on such a level of being able do such things. They hadn’t kissed or had any physical contact since the day in the water. Instead Bucky seemed to keep his distance and no matter how confused (and maybe a bit hurt) Steve was he was going to respect it.

It wasn’t hard being Bucky’s friend, sure the guy was weird about some things, but he was kind and really funny. The mysterious and dangerous vibe got a bit weaker the more Steve got used to it, but it never quite got away. Some times Steve felt as if he was playing with a tame lion who’s natural instincts could kick in any second. Of course Steve never told him this. Instead he focused on showing Bucky different places on the island, teaching him how to surf, letting him see as Steve painted and even introduced him to the old ladies at the market. They of course loved Bucky, one even got so bold that she started touching his face, pulling his cheeks as she smiled mildly at him. When they left he could see them winking at him and for some reason a deep small possessive feeling hit him like bullet in his ribs. The feeling came back when Bucky waited for him after work and some of Steve’s colleagues started chatting and flirting with Bucky. Steve had to bite his tongue to suppress the overwhelming emotions. He forgot all about it as they went out fishing the same evening, with the moonlight kissing Bucky’s face Steve had felt calm and completely at peace. It wasn’t till he came home and in the safety of his room where he could battle himself about the emotions that kept coming up. He felt guilty and he wanted to apologise to Bucky for being a bad friend, for wanting him a bit more than he should, for seeing him as his own. Of course those words never left Steve’s lips as he just chose to go to bed and sleep it off. 

The thing was that Bucky wasn’t making it easy for Steve to keep quiet. Steve had never be a very sexually active person and had only felt sexual desire for a handful of people in his whole life, and even then he didn’t really push through. As much as there were strange feelings that drove him to always make dumb jokes so he could hear Bucky’s wonderful laugh or try to impress him with silly things just so that Bucky’s eyes were on him only, there were also feelings that made him want. He wanted to touch, to feel and to taste. There was a part of him that was greedy, that killed the rational and decent part of him. In the darker corners of his mind he almost hated Bucky for kissing him, for giving him a taste how good it could be and then just walking away as if they hadn’t just shared a kiss more intense than lovers in war shared. It drove him insane because every time Bucky stretched out on that small couch Steve could follow the lines of his muscles and some times his shirt would go up a bit and show of well defined abs. Steve’s finger itched more at those moments than they did when he wanted to draw. At least he could draw how much of Bucky he wanted, it was an unsaid agreement, if Bucky was watching the TV he was too caught up in what was happening on the screen to care about Steve and his pen. Steve bit his lip as he watched Bucky stretch. The night would not pass as smoothly as the rest had. 

Some James Bond film became background music to Steve’s painting. He had a few things left on Hokulani’s portrait, just a bit of shadowing and some minor details. He had promised her a perfect portrait and he wasn’t going to go back on that promise. He was so focused on the colour of the flowers that he didn’t hear Bucky turn off the tv and slowly walk up to stand behind him. He noticed him when Bucky laid a hand on his shoulder and the electric warm touch made him drop his paint brush. Bucky’s hand was heavy on his shoulder, his thumb grazing Steve’s neck in a teasing manner. 

“Did I scare you?” Bucky’s voice came from above Steve’s head. He could almost feel the warmth radiating from Bucky’s body. 

“No, or maybe a bit. Didn’t realise how focused I actually was.” Steve laughed it off and looked over the painting. He didn’t want to brag, but it was a masterpiece.

“It’s beautiful. You really managed to capture the beauty of this place all in a young beautiful girl.” Bucky’s voice wasn’t teasing or sarcastic. He sounded genuine, he sounded amazed and he sounded as if he saw the things Steve had hid behind the colour. 

“Thank you. Her name is Hokulani. It means-“

“Divine star.” Bucky finished for him. 

They were once again thrown into that silence and tension of something unexplainable. This time Steve felt as if he was missing something, as if something was being shown to him but he wasn’t paying attention to it. 

“I gotta go now, actually got some things to do tomorrow. You should come over to me some time though and I’ll share some of my own films with you.” Bucky left his side and Steve just hummed as he turned around and watched Bucky go. His shoulder still felt a bit warm after Bucky’s hand and for some reason it felt as something very heavy had been lifted from it.

When Steve finished the portrait the sun was already greeting him shyly at the horizon. His eyes burned slightly and there was an ache in his wrists and fingertips. His back hurt too as he had been sitting in the same bent position for hours. With heavy feet he made his way over to his bed and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

—

Bucky was waiting for him after work, leaning against his stupidly nice car and doing something on his phone. Steve took a couple of seconds to just stare at him before he made his way over to him. He was just about to say hi when one of his co-workers ran up to him. It was his friend Kalena that gripped his arm, making him stop in his tracks. She was blushing and Steve wondered if she had put on some extra makeup today because she seemed a bit more fancy than usual. 

“Steve. Would you like to go out with me? For some drinks maybe? Or to the downtown bowling hall? Or both?” Kalena was one of those magic girls that could make anything sound extremely charming and wonderful. 

“Oh ye-“

“Steve? Are you coming?” Bucky voice made him look up to Bucky who was now watching them with a kind but restrained smile.

“Yeah, I’m coming. And Kalena, sure I’d love to. Who else is coming?” Steve looked back at her and her eyes were sparkling like stars. Steve remembered that he had been so weak for them when he met her for the first time.

“You’re so silly, Steve. It’s just gonna be you and me. That’s how a date works.” She let go of his arm, but she stood also quickly up on her tiptoes and gave him a soft kiss on his cheek. Steve didn’t get to say anything as she happily skipped away and to be honest Steve was an active sexual man who could appreciate a beautiful woman when he saw one, specially one with a beautiful hour-glass figure. 

“Steve.” Bucky called out for him, clearly annoyed and Steve felt himself blushing at his horny way of acting right in front of his friend. 

“I’m sorry. I’m coming.” Steve hurried and with an annoyed grunt Bucky got in the car with him.

The drive was filled with awkward silence and Steve felt as if he had done something wrong. Maybe Bucky felt something for Kalena? They had spoken before so maybe he was feeling a bit used or something? Steve fiddled nervously with his belt as he watched Bucky angrily gripping the steering wheel. He didn’t dare to look at his face and the whole situation just felt so wrong. This wasn’t how they were supposed to be. They never had this awkwardness, it was always smooth and calm with Bucky. He was just about to break the silence and ask what the hell was going on when Bucky slammed the breaks and stopped the car. Bucky got out of the car and Steve was left confused and alone. After a minute of just starring at the empty driver seat Steve finally followed Bucky. Outside it was raining and Steve had been so caught up with the tension that he hadn’t even noticed the change in weather. The rain was as heavy as the one they had met the first time in. Steve looked around but Bucky seemed to be nowhere. 

“Buc-“ Steve was suddenly slammed into the side of the car. His heart in his throat as he was suddenly faced with a very powerful Bucky. He licked his lips and tried to find reassurance in Bucky’s dangerous eyes. Everything about Bucky screamed danger and Steve could no longer read Bucky’s emotions. One firm hand was keeping him in place and when Steve tried to lightly push it he noticed an iron strength holding him down. 

“You’re making this so hard for me.” Bucky’s voice was low and it reminded Steve of an animal’s growl. 

“I’m sorry.” He just blurted it out, hoping that Bucky would see that whatever he had done wrong wasn’t intentional. Of course it didn’t work though.

“I shouldn’t ever gotten close to you. Shouldn’t have started this friendship.” Bucky spit the word out as it was poison. 

“I’m s-“ 

“Shut up. You’ve seen too much already. The question is why haven’t you left yet.” Steve had no idea what he was talking about even though one part of him was agreeing to the words Bucky were saying. “You saw right through me from the start.” 

“Bucky?” Steve’s heart was racing and he felt as if he had lost all control of his body. He stood there frozen and he was trying his hardest to understand what Bucky was saying. It felt as if he was in the dark with one single sound that leading him to the light, but he had no idea from which way the sound was coming from. 

“I should kill you. Right now and right here.” The rain was ice cold yet it was Bucky that was making him shiver. A hard metal piece was showed up against Steve’s ribcage and he didn’t need to look down to know that it was a gun. Panic was starting to take over, but he couldn’t move still, he was frozen in place. Everything was too loud, the rain, Bucky’s voice, his own breathing.

“One day this is going to happen for real. All that goodness is going to pour right out of you along with your blood. All that beauty and light will vanish right in front of my eyes.” The gun left his ribs and came up to gently stroke over his face. Steve clenched his jaw and closed his eyes but Bucky’s voice followed him. “I’m not going to let anyone else get that treasure though. The day you die it’s going to be by my hand and with that you’ll be mine forever.” Steve was shaking now, his whole body felt numb and he didn’t even feel the rain anymore. He didn’t think he felt anything anymore. He was wrong. Bucky’s lips crashed with his own and an explosion went off in Steve’s chest. He tried not to, but he still kissed him back and with that he kept burning himself from the inside. They kissed and the fire kept spreading and with one last bite on his lips the fire swallowed him. 

—  
Steve woke up drenched in sweat. His hands were shaking when he sat up. He touched his face and tried to rub the dream away from his eyes. His sheets were wet from the sweat and he tried carefully to stand up, but his legs felt weak. Instead he sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands trying to make sense of the dream he just had. Without thinking he reached for his phone and dialled the number that he had memorised from the day he had gotten it. 

“Hello? Steve?” Tony’s voice was rough as if he had been sleeping. The digital clock on his bedside table said that it was five in the morning so with the time difference then Steve probably had just woken him up.

“I… I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m doing. I just had a really bad dream I guess and I just needed to call somebody.” Steve couldn’t stop the words from spilling out. His throat was dry and his voice came out broken. 

“Hey hey. It’s okay. Just breathe. You want to talk about it or what?” Tony sounded already more awake and in the background Steve could hear how Tony was moving around.

“I’m sorry for waking you up.”

“Don’t need to apologise. Somehow I fell asleep in the workshop which Pepper hates. Now tell me about that dream of yours.” Tony yawned and Steve felt a bit more at ease already. 

“I don’t know where to start. I met this guy some month ago and like we kissed and so on, but nothing happened from that. We just kind of settled for being friends and sure he’s handsome and mysterious and I’m sure I like him more than I’d like to admit…And he was in the dream. He said that I saw him, saw right through him and that he should kill me, that he will kill me and I’ll be his forever that way.” Steve was breathless by the time he stopped talking. 

“Okay. Honestly I don’t know what to say. Sounds like you’re heads over heels for someone you shouldn’t. It might be just like that time in army, Steve. You didn’t see what was going on behind the curtain, but you had a feeling that it wasn’t anything good. Your subconscious might be trying to tell you something again.” In the background Steve could hear a fridge getting opened and an angry woman’s voice yelling Tony. “Pepper, calm down. I was asleep, but I’m helping out a friend- Yes I do have friends. God, you’re grumpy in the mornings. Sorry, Steve, what do you think about that?”

“I hope that you’re wrong.” 

“That’s what people usually say when I’m right.” Tony let out a soft chuckle and Steve’s heart was slowly coming back to beating in a normal rhythm. “But listen. If anything happens or it turns out sketchy or whatever then you can call me and I’ll get you out of there.” And away from his was left unsaid but Steve heard it and as comforting as it was, it was also scary. He was still not sure what he felt for Bucky but the feeling of leaving or forgetting about him hurt. 

“Thank you, Tony.” 

“Go back to sleep, kiddo. It’s still late and you’ll probably have to face your bad boy sooner or later.” 

“He’s not my bad- Shut up, Tony. You go back to sleep too.”

“Haha of course.”

—

Steve waited for Hokulani by the spot they saw each other the last time. The waves were softer and nobody was surfing, most people just laid or played in the sand. Some kids were looking for shells along the shore. Steve kept a light eye on them even though he was on break. Bad things could happen any given second and those kids were way to small to be able to fight the much stronger waves. 

“Steve! Aloha awakea!” Hokulani’s voice made him turn around and he saw her skipping her way to the bench where he was sitting.

“Aloha, Hokulani. How are you?” Steve didn’t bother trying to hide the obvious package in his hands. He had gently wrapped up the finished portrait. He had taken a photo of it of course and sent it to Tony, who had responded by sending a picture of a big box filled with brushes, pens and colours that were going to be sent to him. Steve had learned to read Tony and in the details find his kindness, care and love. 

“I’m all good. How are you?” Steve could hear the wild excitement behind the politeness. 

“To be fair I’m a bit nervous since I don’t know what you’ll think about your portrait.” Steve smiled at her.

“So that’s really it! Let me see! Pretty please!” Hokulani was almost jumping with excitement in front of him and with a soft chuckle he handed the package over to her. The moment she had it in her hands she calmed down and stood very still. Her hands very careful as she handled the package with a gentle care. With graceful fingers she managed to open it and take the protecting paper off and the portrait was revealed to her. For a moment she didn’t say anything, softly she touched the portrait’s face with a featherlight touch. Her eyes were big and almost teary when she looked up at him.

“It’s beautiful. I look like Laka. I’m beautiful.” These were the moments Steve lived for, the moment when somebody finally saw what he saw in them. Before he could say anything he suddenly had an armful of a very happy girl that hugged him as if he was her lifeline. 

“Mahalo nui loa, Steve.”

“Nothing to thank me for.” Steve hugged her back before letting her go. Hokulani took one look at the portrait and let out a happy sound. 

“I have to show this to my mom and my dad and my grandpa and - I have to go. Thank you so much again and I’ll see you again soon.” She was already moving back to her home, eyes fixed on the painting and Steve was happy that he had payed attention to everything as he saw how she was discovering new lines and colours in the background.

“No worries. I’m just happy that you like it. Say hi from me.” 

“Of course. Bye.” Steve didn’t even say bye back as she happily ran away up to her house. Steve’s smile stayed on for the rest of the day. 

—

Bucky met him after work. He was wearing a bomber jacket with leather sleeves, black jeans, black shoes and some gloves again. In Steve’s head he could hear Tony’s voice saying “your bad boy” and even though he tried to refuse the fact that he would ever be into something so cliché he was still wildly attracted to him. Bucky was bad, but he did it so good that maybe Steve would let this one slip. 

“You gonna move some time soon or are you just going to stare?” Bucky’s voice was filled with cocky confidence and a smug smile played on his lips. It suddenly hit Steve that he knew exactly what he was doing, that Bucky was very well aware of his effect on people. Bucky was truly bad, but that only meant that Steve didn’t have to be that good either.

“Can you blame me?” Steve walked past him and around the car to sit down in the passenger seat. He noticed that in the back there was a big bag and if Steve wasn’t mistaken he could see a couple of fancy bottles peeking out. 

“Picked them up this morning. Thought I could spoil myself a bit since it’s my birthday after all.” Bucky explained as he got in the car. “I think we should grill at the beach and just stay there. Don’t really feel like driving drunk nor walk around half the island trying to find the right road home.” Bucky smiled at him and Steve couldn’t help but laugh at the memories. There had been more than once when they had gotten wasted and then tried to make their way home by foot. Even though they could find their way home the adventure didn’t stop there as the next morning was filled with trying to find where they had left their cars and other things that they had lost along the road. 

“Sounds good. At the right we’ll have straight to your house and at left we have mine. You’ll have a bit further to walk though.” Steve pointed out as he went through his mental list of everything that he had to yet pickup at the market and at home. 

“As long as there is no jungle in the way I don’t mind.” Bucky started the car and Steve was hit with a realisation that the only times where Bucky had ever felt as his equal was when they were out at sea with only boards or out in the wild jungle. No matter where they went otherwise Bucky seemed to have the upper hand, as if he had control over every element around them, except when the elements were pure raw nature force. Steve looked over at Bucky’s profile and something hot spread through his stomach. He quickly looked away and instead focused on mumbling the things they needed out loud.

They stopped first by the market where the ladies helped them pick out some vegetables and meat. They ended up with loads of different vegetables and only two chicken breasts. 

“If you pretty boys want to keep those nice muscles of yours you’ll have to eat much fruit and vegetables.” Had Vada said, she was probably the eldest of the three ladies. She smiled softly at them and waved when they left. Steve really liked her, she reminded him of his grandmother. 

Bucky seemed to like them too, he had joked around and small-talked easily with them. Of course they swooned over him, who could blame them really. Steve enjoyed taking Bucky out to meet people because Bucky had something in him that made them a bit uneasy at first, but as soon as he started talking they all melted. Many of the older ladies took it upon themselves to make sure that Bucky ate healthy and good, and for some reason they all always picked out plums for him. Bucky never got annoyed or cold with them though. Instead he took the plums, thanked them and payed way too much and then stayed to ask about their families. Steve’s heart got always a bit extra warm when he saw Bucky actually eating the plums. He ate them no matter how many they gave or how good quality they were. 

Bucky dropped him off at his place so that he could pick up some things for the night, shower and change clothes. Steve made sure to pack some matches, Bucky’s gift and a blanket for them to sit on. When he was sure that everything was in his backpack he quickly took a shower and changed from his work clothes. He was done in less than half an hour and with one last check through he left his home with his backpack on one shoulder and jogged over to Bucky’s house. The thought was that they would prepare everything in Bucky’s bigger kitchen and then bring that out to grill in the middle of the beach somewhere after the sunset. 

Steve didn’t knock as he walked into Bucky’s house. They had passed those casualties a good while back. He found Bucky in the kitchen peeling potatoes who greeted him with a quick smile thrown over his shoulder before he went back to the potatoes. A radio was playing some music from the living room and it hit him how domestic they acted. Steve quickly shut down that thought and went right to work with the other vegetables that would go into the oven before the grill. If he started thinking about those kinds of things there would be no holding back and Steve would probably cry out of straight frustration and confusion. It was when he was about to start on the paprika that he noticed that Bucky was peeling the potatoes in less than one minute with a small knife. 

“I really have no idea who the hell you are.” Steve said with a laugh and Bucky looked up at him, looking somewhat offended as well as confused.

“What do you mean? I’m sorry that I know how to handle a knife and you can’t” Bucky teased back and Steve looked down on his own hands. He couldn’t see anything bad with what he was doing. 

“What the hell do you mean? I’m doing this like everybody else.” Steve grumbled and without having to look at him he knew that Bucky was smiling at him. He could hear him putting his knife away and with just a couple of steps he was behind Steve. Steve almost didn’t dare to move as Bucky got a hold of his hand from behind. He let out a shaky breath when Bucky pressed himself fully up against his back to get a steadier grip on Steve’s hands. 

“Don’t tell me you’re scared of knifes, Steve.” Bucky chuckled as he repositioned Steve’s hands and Steve tried his hardest to think of other things. Anything that wouldn’t get him hard in a couple of seconds. He cleared his throat and breathed out a laugh.

“I think you forget I was in the military.” Steve tried to sound confident as Bucky taught him how to handle the knife.

“I think you forger you were too good for it.” Bucky’s voice was sending shivers down his spine. Steve bit his lip as he tried not to overthink what Bucky just had said or the fact that Bucky already showed him how to do it and there was no point for him to stay in the position they were in. Things didn’t get better as Bucky started humming along to some song Steve couldn’t recognise. 

“Why so uptight, mr. Soldier?” Bucky was probably just playing around but Steve’s heart was going crazy.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Steve let out a nervous laughter and tried to take back the control of his hands, but Bucky wasn’t going to let him go that easy of course. A relived sigh was about to leave him when Bucky finally let go of his hands, to grab Steve’s hips instead. Steve gasped and Bucky chuckled softly into his ear. 

“Relax, Steve. I ain’t going to hurt you, Brooklyn boy.” 

Slowly Bucky started to move his hips to the rhythm of the song that Steve hadn’t ever heard - or was it a new song now? Steve wasn’t sure, his mind was running wild along with his heart. Bucky’s hips were pressed up against him and Steve wondered what he was supposed to do. The song changed and another one with a different tempo started and this time Bucky sang along to it. Steve couldn’t hold back the laughter that bubbled out of him as he was forced to dance with Bucky to a Rihanna song as if they were high schoolers on a frat party. For one minute he let himself forget about their whole situation and just enjoyed the moment. 

“Didn’t know you could dance.” The words came out between laughs. 

“It’s a good way of seducing people or just have some fun.” Bucky’s breathe tickled his neck and Steve leaned his head back a bit without thinking.

“Or to make people uncomfortable.” A stranger’s voice made them pull apart and turn around to stare at the intruder. A rather tall fit black man stood in Bucky’s kitchen with a small luggage backpack in his hand. He looked a bit unimpressed, but Steve could feel that he was amused. He looked rather handsome and jealousy blew up in his chest when he noticed the intense eye contact between him and Bucky. 

“Steve, this a friend of mine Sam. He and I used to work together. Sam, this is Steve. He’s one of my few friends on this island.” Hundred things went through Steve’s head when Bucky started talking. He didn’t like the way Bucky said “friend”, it sounded too forced to actually mean that they were just friends, same with the whole “working” thing. He didn’t like how he was just “one of his few friends” either. He bit his tongue and instead smiled at Sam.

“Hi.” Steve offered his hand and Sam politely shook it while greeting him. Steve could already see that Sam was a decent person and that he probably had no reason to think badly of him.

“What are you guys cooking?” Sam let his hand go as he went around to the living room where he threw his backpack, before turning back around to them.

“We are just preparing for our little cookout birthday party.” Bucky turned back to the potatoes, already a bit more relaxed and Steve took that as a good sign even though there was a certain tension in the air that he couldn’t read. Once again it felt as if he was looking at a picture that he couldn’t understand. Had they been lovers? Where they still together? Was that why Bucky had tried to stay away from Steve after the kiss?

“Steve, don’t let him near the onions. He always goes way overboard with them.” Sam tasted a bit of the cut paprika before making his way over to the fridge to study the meat they were going to grill. With a happy hum he approved of it and Steve bit back a laugh when he saw Bucky rolling his eyes. That was the first time Steve saw him in that kind of light. 

“So how long have you known each other?” Steve tried to make it sound like a casual question as he finished with the paprika, putting it in a bowl along with over vegetables that would later be made into skewers. A couple of minutes passed with no answer and Steve was trying his hardest not to break and ask what the actual fuck was going on. 

“Me and Sam have had quite the wild ride together.” Bucky started with uncertainty clear in his voice. Steve simply hummed.

Steve really had to face the fact that Sam was a really cool guy. He was funny, kind and smart. There was nothing wrong with him, but Steve still felt as if he wanted to push him into the nearest car and tell him to go back to whatever perfect place that produced perfect people like him. Steve knew that he was being childish and also incredibly stupid but he couldn’t help it. Sam and Bucky bickered like an old married couple, constantly making fun of each other with inside jokes Steve couldn’t even make sense of. Whatever history they had it was sure a wild and rich one. Steve stayed polite throughout the whole night, he even joked around with Sam while they grilled the meat. Bucky was also constantly throwing glances at them though, as if he was almost stressed about what might happen, what might be said or done. It was weird seeing him like that and no matter how much he loved being in Bucky’s company he stilled felt relived when they called it a night. He was happy to hear that they didn’t need help with cleaning up and with a big toothy smile he turned around and started heading home. 

“Hey. I’ll walk with you.” Bucky almost gave him an heart attack when he came up by his side.

“Oh sure. You don’t have to though. I’m not that drunk.” Steve tried to ignore the happiness that rose up in him at finally having Bucky alone to himself. Which was of course ridiculous because they had been alone for two months now and it was Steve’s own god damn fault that he had fallen for a guy he couldn’t have. 

“I know. Still though, don’t feel like cleaning up and since Sam wants to act like a party crasher then he can at least clean up.” Steve laughed softly at that and Bucky bumped into his shoulder lightly. They talked about the day as they walked to Steve’s house. The jealousy that Steve had felt from before was slowly dying down, only leaving a mild feeling of shame in it’s place. Bucky was trying his hardest to make Steve laugh and he was showering Steve with attention, just like he always did when they talked. There was no reason to feel jealous of Sam, no matter if they were only friends or if they were in some kind of romantic relationship, what he had with Bucky was precious and it was only theirs. When they finally arrived at Steve’s door and were just about to say goodbye he suddenly remembered that he hadn’t gotten the chance to give Bucky his birthday gift. 

“I forgot to give you your gift. Shit wait I’m just gonna find it right here.” He quickly went through his pockets till he found the box he was looking for. He felt almost a bit shy about it, like a little kid that was about to give their crush a valentine’s card. “I saw it a couple of weeks ago and I just thought about you.” He tried to act cool about it as he gave the box to a very surprised Bucky.

“Steve. You didn’t have to. I didn’t expect anything.” Bucky looked down at the box in his hands and Steve could see that he was very curios about it. 

“Oh shut up. It’s your birthday and we are friends, aren’t we?” He smiled at him and his heart skipped a beat when Bucky smiled brightly at him. He looked so innocent standing in the light of Steve’s front porch, holding the birthday gift in his hands as if it was the first gift he had ever received. 

“We are. Thank you so much.” Bucky’s voice sounded so genuine and Steve hated himself for getting hurt at hearing that they were just friends when it mattered so deeply to Bucky. 

“Don’t thank me till you have opened. It could be something you don’t even like.” Steve leaned back against his door as he watched Bucky study the box. 

“Don’t offend me like that. Of course I’m going to like it and of course I’m going to be grateful. You got me something.” Bucky mumbled out as he slowly opened the box. Steve held his breathe, he wasn’t sure if Bucky was going to like the gift or not. What he had said was true, he had seen it a couple of weeks earlier and thought about Bucky. It was a set from Emporia Armani with a watch with matching silver cufflinks. The watch had a simple black leather strap that matched the stainless steel case. It was all very classy and rich, but also subtile with that casual fancy vibe. 

“I…You’re just too much, Steve. Fuck, it’s amazing.” Bucky looked up at him with a bright smile and he kept opening his mouth to say something, but nothing came out so Steve assumed that he had done a good job with the gift.

“I’m happy that you like it.” Steve wasn’t ready for the sudden hug. Bucky held him tightly close to him as he mumbled out a soft thank you and Steve’s heart broke into a million pieces. He hugged him back and for a second he let himself close his eyes and just breathe in Bucky. Under the smell of grill, vegetables and meat, he still smelled like sandalwood and the sea. Steve wanted to stay in that moment forever. Just as all good things end, so did the hug and Bucky went back to admiring the watch and the cufflinks. Before they said a final goodbye he made Steve help him put on the watch, seeing it on his wrist Steve was filled with possessiveness as well as pride over the fact that it looked really good on Bucky. 

“Sweet dreams, Steve. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Bucky gave him one last smile before he left and Steve just waved him goodbye. He was so fucking screwed. 

—  
Steve woke up early. They hadn’t drank enough the day before to have a hungover and Steve took the headache free morning as a sign that he should go for a jog. He drank some water, showered and put on his jogging clothes before heading out. After ten minutes he was already feeling much better. The bad and strong feelings from yesterday seemed to get clearer with every meter he covered. He had forgotten to charge his phone so it died after just ten minutes and for the rest of the jog he didn’t have any music. Instead he listened to the sea, the birds and the wind. For some reason it felt like he was going through some natural therapy and he felt refreshed when he finally got back to his home even though his shirt was sticking to him like a second skin. He put his phone to charge while he jumped into the shower. With the nice cooling water pouring down on him he thought about Bucky’s smile yesterday, the smile that was so innocent, so pure and shy. Had Bucky never received any gifts before?

The clock showed 10 pm when Steve was finally out of the shower. He poured himself a bowl of cereal before he went back to his phone. While eating he looked through what had happened while his phone was dead. He had one text from a co-worker joking about the weather, Tony had tagged him in some funny video and he had four missed calls from Bucky. He almost choked on a spoonful of cereal, spitting some out as he stared at the red marked number. Right the second before he was about to call him back when there was a sudden knock on his door. With vary steps he made his way over to the door and opened it. On the other side a smiling Bucky greeted him. 

“So you’re a spitter.” Bucky grinned and Steve was so in love with him. 

“Isn’t it a bit early for blowjob jokes?” Steve smiled back at him and opened the door a bit wider for him to come in.

“It’s never to early for anything like that.” Bucky smiled at him before walking in, gently bumping into him. Steve just shook his head and walked after him.

Bucky sat down on Steve’s small kitchen counter and Steve was struck with how beautiful he was. The sunlight that spilled into the house made everything look warm and soft. Bucky’s hair was put in a messy bun and a couple of hair strands fell down over his forehead, making him look domestic and touchable. The only thing that ruined the picture was the big black hoodie that covered Bucky’s frame, preserving the intense vibe of him being dangerous. Steve had’t seen anything as attractive as him.

“So what brings you to my place after blowing up my dead phone?” Steve asked as he went back to his bowl of cereal. 

“Wanted to ask you how you were feeling and if you wanted join me and Sam for a movie night at my place tonight?” Bucky replied and when Steve looked over at him he saw that Bucky was eating a plum. He bit his tongue to stop the laugh that wanted to bubble out of him. 

“Sure. I’d love to. And yes, I’m fine. I woke up early and felt like going for a jog and then my phone died.” Steve explained and drank up the last drops of milk the bowl. 

“Good to hear. So uh, what do you think about Sam?” Bucky followed him with his eyes as Steve walked up to the kitchen sink. He washed the bowl as he made a humming noise.

“He seems like a really good guy. A bit mysterious like you, though not as much. Other than that he seems really kind and he’s pretty hot.” Steve turned around to look at him as he wiped his hands in a handkerchief. 

“Oh really?” Bucky looked away, nodding his head. 

“Don’t worry you’re still the fairest of them all.” Steve walked past him chuckling and Bucky kicked lightly at him.

Bucky left not long after that and Steve ignored the sad feeling that always hit when Bucky left. He had the whole day to himself as he was going to Bucky around eight. He pulled out his sketch block and decided to just make some doodles. He wasn’t sure how long he sat like that but after a while he noticed that the only thing he drew was Bucky, things that had to do with Bucky and things that reminded him of Bucky. He had filled twenty pages with things only about Bucky, with a groan he threw the sketch block away. His head was just a big mess and it was Bucky’s felt. He felt something for Bucky, something strong and it wouldn’t go away no matter how much he tried to ignore it. He had to stop presenting that he also was just confused. He wanted Bucky and he wanted Bucky to want him to because he liked Bucky. Steve got up, his breathing a bit faster as he moved around the house. He liked Bucky. He liked everything about it. He liked Bucky’s smile, his jokes, his hair, his laugh and just everything that had anything to do with him. Steve wanted him and he was going to get him. 

Steve was freaking the fuck out. It was one hour before he was supposed to be at Bucky’s place and Steve had spent the day thinking about how he could tell Bucky how he felt. He felt like he was back in high school with a crush on the most popular cheerleader. He had no idea how he was supposed to do it and he hadn’t even started to think about what he was going to do if Bucky said no, or yes. In fact he felt really lost about everything and Tony wasn’t picking his phone up so he wasn’t sure who he should ask for help. Nobody that he knew was good with these kinds of things and he needed somebody with both experience but also knowledge about how Steve was. He was almost about to call the whole thing off and just stay home and hide away from Bucky, but he had said yes and Bucky had come all the way to ask him. Not to mention the fact that Bucky had been really excited about showing him the movies he knew of. In the end Steve picked himself up, fixed his hair, got dressed and left his house with a straight back and a head held high. 

With a nervous heart Steve knocked on Bucky’s door since for some reason it was locked. He was around ten minutes early, so maybe Bucky had gone out? That theory was quickly shattered when a loud bang was being able to be heard from the inside. Steve took a step back as more could be heard, it sounded like somebody was being pushed up against the walls and thrown on the floor. Panic was about to rise as the thought of Bucky being in danger scared him to no end and then suddenly Bucky opened the door. Steve didn’t even know how to react. Bucky’s hair was all over the place, his bangs sticking to his face because of sweat, his long sleeved shirt was inside out and his pants seemed to hang a bit extra low. He looked like a sweaty mess and Steve wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say. 

“Hi, Steve. I c-“ 

“Hi, Steve! You’re a bit early.” An equally sweaty Sam popped up behind him and suddenly everything clicked. Steve looked down at his shoes as he scratched his neck. 

“Uh, hi guys. I came by to say that I can’t join you guys tonight. I got called out, you know work and all that.” He looked up at them and smiled apologetically. He wanted to be at least a continent away from them, he wanted to be on a whole other planet. If the ground decided to swallow him now he wouldn’t have minded it. 

“What? N-“ Bucky took a half step towards him, but Sam pushed him back into the house. 

“I’m sorry to hear that, Steve. Well some other time then, yeah?” Sam’s voice was kind and Steve could hear a humble tone of pity under it. He nodded his head, smiled at them and turned around and left. He didn’t let himself react till he was back in his car halfway across the island. 

The tears came suddenly and so strongly that Steve had to park on the side of the road. He slammed his hands against the steering wheel as he tried to breathe through it. He had never been a person that cried for long and soon the tears stopped, but the he didn’t have an outlet for the pain that sat on his chest. His lungs and throat hurt. He felt cold, but there was an angry and sickening warmth in his stomach. He felt as if he was going to puke. In that moment he hated Sam, but not as much as he hated Bucky. He hated him for coming to an island that was Steve’s and charm his way into Steve’s life too, because the place wasn’t enough for him. He hated him for the kiss, he hated him for the meals and he hated him for the jokes. He hated Bucky for only being half part there, the feelings of mysteriousness had always kept him away from being fully with him. And he hated himself for trusting Bucky even though he was aware of all this, even though the mystery, the secrets and the things that didn’t make sense he still trusted him. No, he wasn’t going to hate himself for it. It was all Bucky’s fault. He had opened enough for Steve to fall for him, but not enough for him to be completely broken. Yes, Steve was sad, hurt and angry. Yet he wasn’t broken, his life didn’t come to a stop here and he was smart enough to know that this would hurt like a bitch, but he would outlive it. He would move on. 

When Steve came home it was already midnight. He hadn’t intended to drive for so long, but he had enjoyed the coast view and he had found a nice little restaurant where he spent most of his evening, eating, listening to the music and watching people surf. A couple flirted across some fruity drinks after a surfing competition and some of the anger died down to be replaced with mild hurt. He kept thinking “I could have had that” to forcing himself to remember “I will have that one day, I’ll have it even better”. The restaurant closed and Steve had headed home and now as he pulled up into his drive way he noticed a car he knew rather well. With a sigh he parked his car and got out, prepared for the worst. He greeted Bucky with a fake smile.

“How long have you been waiting here?” Steve could hear how fake his own voice sounded. Bucky’s eyes were serious, studying him. 

“Not too long. Your work isn’t really far from here.” Coldness spread over Steve’s spine. Bucky knew. He knew very well that Steve hadn’t gone back to work, but he also hadn’t checked for it. He knew that Steve had never any intentions of going back there the moment he had seen him. From the moment he had opened the door Bucky had known exactly how Steve would react. What Steve had missed from before with Bucky was that he was fucking brilliant, an intelligent mind with well developed strategical thinking. Steve could see it now. 

Did this mean that Bucky had known from the start what he wanted with Steve? Was all this a dumb fucking play since Bucky had known from the start how Steve felt? Bucky had done the things he did, sent the signals and vibes that he wanted with the knowledge what they meant for Steve. It had been a simple game of chess for him. Steve tried to sustain the anger inside him. He was used to being pushed around by people that thought they were better than him. That didn’t mean that he accepted it. 

“Mhm. Why did you wait?” Steve wondered if Bucky knew that he knew.

“I wanted to talk to you about what happened today.” Bucky’s stance was confident, but Steve could see that things weren’t going as smoothly as he thought they were.

“Oh haha. Don’t worry about that. Nothing did really happened. You and Sam had your fun time, I very rudely interrupted with something I could have texted.” Steve walked past him to his door. He was tired of seeing that stupidly handsome face and honestly he was rather close to giving it a nice split lip. Well he wouldn’t have to punch very hard for that since Bucky’s lips seemed to be swollen already from previous “activities”. 

“I don’t like it when you lie to me.” Bucky’s breath tickled Steve’s neck and Steve had to get a more firm hold of his key. 

“I love it when you do it though.” Steve knew that he was being passive aggressive, but that was holding him back from turning around and giving Bucky hell. Suddenly he was spun around and pressed up against his door. Bucky’s eyes held a laser focus and the only thing that was stopping him from squirming under the intense gaze was his own anger. 

“I never lied to you.” Bucky was doing that thing once again where he said one sentence which held a whole story behind it. He tried to stress it and he looked at Steve as he expected him to understand. Steve wanted to laugh straight into his face.

“Half truths are still half lies. The things left unsaid might not count as lies, but both you and me know what the fuck secrets mean.” Steve glared back at him and the tension seemed to only grow. The air had gotten a bit heavier and it was one of the colder nights, but Steve’s anger didn’t let him get cold, his hurt didn’t let his lungs give up on him. “Every time I look at you I feel like I’m looking at something through a looking glass. Just small details, but never the full picture and I know you’re hiding it. And I don’t have to know. But I want to know how the fuck did you know I was from Brooklyn? I never told you. Why don’t you have a history? No family pictures, nothing that isn’t freshly new, nothing that shows that you’re not just something that was created a month ago. What was the reason to act the way you did when you very well knew what I felt? Why the fuck didn’t you tell me about Sam?” 

“You see. You’re so fucking brilliant.” Steve was prepared to hear a lot of things, but he was not prepared to hear that. He just stared back at Bucky for a couple of seconds and then Bucky moved. This kiss was only fire, they didn’t sink with it. They burned with it, two angry flames that bit more than they kissed. Steve’s hands where in Bucky’s hair and in the back of his mind he noticed how soft Bucky’s hair was. Bucky’s hands were at his waist, pulling him close to himself with no probability of letting him go. Steve could taste blood on Bucky’s tongue and something dark in him made him look for the cut in Bucky’s lips and bite at it even more. When Steve moved his hands down to Bucky’s shoulder he pulled away, leaving Steve lean back against his door for support. 

The kiss had been perfect and they both knew it. They looked at each other and no one could read the other one’s expression. Steve could see that for once he was just as big of a mystery to Bucky as Bucky usually was to him. They let a couple of silent minutes pass as they both caught their breathe. Bucky broke the silence.

“I can’t do this.” He sounded desperate, almost as if he was in pain.

“Then leave me the fuck alone.” With one last glance he turned around and this time Bucky didn’t stop him. He closed the door behind himself, but he didn’t breathe till he heard Bucky’s car driving away and he didn’t fall asleep until the first beam of sunlight touched his bedroom floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> If you have any thoughts or comments please leave them. Comments and kudos are deeply appreciated as I wanna know if I'm doing this fanfic justice or not. Please also point out if you have any questions or if something does not make sense. 
> 
> Once again, thank you for reading!


	3. Cyclones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter that got its own little part.   
> Next chapter will probably be the end of this little episode but more about it later.
> 
> I hope everyone is having a great summer and I'm sorry for being so slow with updates.

Steve sighed as he opened his eyes. He had been awake for half an hour now and there was no denying it anymore. He had to get up, face the day, face his responsibilities and face the fact that two whole weeks had passed without any contact from Bucky whatsoever. Steve had deleted his number the morning after their little break up. It had been dumb since Steve knew it anyways. He had taken another path to jog in the mornings and had avoided looking out over where Bucky lived, but he had his weak moments and the light he saw in the windows made him hyper aware of how close he was still to him. He had moments where he was almost disgusted by how close they still were, those moments didn’t usually last long though. It was hard to get Bucky out of his head and one part of him still saw the incredible good in him. That part made it really hard to stay mad at him and he was soon missing him. 

It was a Sunday so Steve was off work, but there were plenty of things that had to be done at home. First of all he had to clean most of the house, do the laundry and then start woking on small things that had to be fixed. He had a couple of planks in the front porch that were slowly breaking, his car had a flat tire and the few bushes that he had around his house were growing a bit too wild. Steve swallowed his complaints and instead got up. He put on some comfortable clothes, ate a sandwich while reading the news on his phone and brushed his teeth. Then it was time to actually start the day. Steve began with collecting all the dirty clothes he had thrown around the house, he sorted them after colour, put them in the washing machine and meanwhile it did it’s thing Steve did the dishes. He even got some time to clean out his fridge before the clothes had to be put in the dryer. Steve went around the house, picking up different paint brushes that were laying messily everywhere. He managed to get a bit of dusting done before the dryer started beeping. He folded his clean clothes and put everything where it belonged. Then it was time to vacuum, then wash the floor and then it was time for lunch. He decided to eat his ham sandwich while watching some tv, but then something at the other side of the couch made him lose all his interest both in the sandwich and in the tv. There on the edge of the couch hung a hoodie that was defiantly not his. Steve just glared at the hoodie for a while before turning around and leaving it behind as he went out to change a flat tire instead. 

The sun was hanging low when Steve was finally done with everything. He had received a text saying that he didn’t need to come in tomorrow so he had one more day without anything to do. He wasn’t sure if he was happy for the freedom or if he was sad because the freedom lead to thoughts about somebody he shouldn’t be thinking about. A certain somebody that had left their god damn hoodie right there in his house. Anger spiked up in his gut. Bucky had said that he wasn’t supposed to be doing “this”, that he couldn’t do it. Why the fuck not? Well probably because he was together with Sam which meant that he wasn’t supposed to cheat on his partner which could be good, except that he had lead Steve on. Steve had tried to stay away from that way of thinking, because maybe Bucky had just been acting like a regular friend with him and it was his own fault that he had sexualised and romanticised him. Not this time though. Bucky had lead him on and that god damn hoodie was just another proof of that. He had made his way into Steve’s life, he had flirted with him and he had seduced him with soft and teasing touches. He had been the one to kiss Steve, twice! Maybe he had finally gotten his head around what he was doing and had finally left Steve alone. Maybe he had fallen for Steve too, maybe he had been the one to make Bucky fall for him. Steve wanted to scream. It all had seemed so perfect and then it went so- It went the way it went. He swallowed down the anger, the hurt and the pettiness. He needed a drink. 

When Steve had told everyone that he was moving to Hawaii it was out of nowhere and nobody really got the chance to give some kind of dumb good-bye gift. Almost everybody he knew had instead quickly rushed to the store and picked up some expensive champagne, wine or vodka. Steve had of course taken it with him because it would be rude to decline and he had saved it up for whenever he would need it. Now he needed it. 

—  
Sia was blasting through some old speakers that Steve had been too fond of to throw away. Steve was on his seventh bottle of wine and things were looking pretty great. He was in a fizzy and bubbly mindset. The sea looked beautiful, the moon was out, he was wearing Bucky’s hoodie, the hoodie was really soft and smelled of him. It was a strange feeling of Bucky being close, but without the intensity. God, he fucking missed him, god, Bucky was such a fucking dick. He had ruined something good, Steve could have been so good with him. They would have looked so pretty together. But no, Steve wasn’t good enough. He had flaws and Sam didn’t. Steve laid down on the floor as he cursed Sam. He was too drunk to give a shit about his embarrassing childish thinking. He was hurt and he was going to let himself be hurt. 

With wobbly legs Steve stood up. His head was spinning about to fast and his mind got set on that the logical thing to do in his situation was to get out for a walk. On his way out he saw that he had opened a champagne bottle, but never started drinking it and with a frown he went up to it. He couldn’t just leave it like that. The bubbles would disappear he thought out loud and since the cork was on the floor it was dirty which meant that he had to drink the champagne to make sure he wouldn’t waste it. 

— 

Steve wasn’t sure when he had decided to go out, but half way through the bottle of champagne he felt as if he was being suffocated. Everything was spinning, the temperature was too high and he was tired of the loneliness that Bucky had left after himself. So he had stumbled out and he couldn’t remember if he had even had locked the door, had he even brought the key? It didn’t matter anyway since who the fuck would rob him? What would they take? The most expensive thing he had was a half bottle of some 1000$ vodka. Steve laughed at the pathetic thought. Why was he like this? What had happened to him? He kept asking himself all these question out loud when suddenly a chill went down his spine and he stopped in his tracks. 

Steve’s hear started beating faster as he felt that he was being watched. There was something going on around him and he had no idea what or who it was. All he knew that there was somebody in the shadows. Or did he? The alcohol was losing it’s warmth and fuzziness, leaving Steve with an angry stomach and dizziness. He felt as if he had lost all control of his legs and they were slowly giving up on him. His heart racing, the fear, the dizziness and the alcohol were all too much. He turned around slowly and there was Bucky all in his glory. He said something, but Steve didn’t hear, he was already on his way down into the darkness. The last thing that Steve managed to snap up was that his head never his the ground, he had been caught. Bucky. Then darkness. 

—

Steve woke up slowly. The dream blended with reality and his eyes couldn’t focus on anything. His head feel back on the pillow and a angry headache started slowly making itself known. The world wasn’t spinning anymore, but things were still unclear and Steve wasn’t really sure about what was going on. When he opened his eyes fully he noticed that he was in a dark room, in a huge bed that was luxuriously soft with pillows and covers made of silk. It wasn’t his bed and he was about to start panicking about where he might be when he recognised the scent. The whole bed was smelling like Bucky and Steve sighed as he buried his face into the pillow and breathed in. He let himself find comfort in his scent till he remembered what had happened. The memorises came back all in a bright and loud mess. Suddenly his head was filled with questions and emotions, which his stomach couldn’t handle and shaky he got up to quickly find a bathroom. Thankfully Bucky had it fairly close and Steve dropped to his knees as he spilled his guts out into the toilet. His throat burned and his headache only got worse, but he still managed to reach up and flush the embarrassment down. The sudden light that got lit didn’t help and he hid his eyes in the crook of his arm. 

“How are you feeling?” Bucky’s voice came from somewhere behind him and Steve only grunted in response. He wanted to sink through the floor when he heard Bucky walk closer up to him before kneeling down next to him.

“Steve. I want you to listen closely to me and do as I say, alright?” Bucky’s voice had no softness in it, no kindness or worry. Steve’s mind tried to desperately to see what was going on, but his body was tired. His body felt sore down to his bones, he felt as if his body was covered in clay and he had to hold himself back from scratching desperately at his skin. “You were on the edge of alcohol poisoning. It’s going to take a day or two for you to get back to the normal. You’re at my place because you weren’t safe on your own.” Bucky explained and Steve breathed slowly out.

“Why?” Steve slowly looked up and the embarrassment burned hot on his cheeks. Alcohol poisoning? That was a new one.

“Because I don’t want to find out that you died choking on your own puke in your sleep.” Bucky said it with a cold voice and Steve looked down. He wished with all his heart that things had gone differently, but a strange feeling in the back of his head was telling him that something was going on. What that something was Steve had no idea and he couldn’t be bothered trying to figure out. “Drink this.” Bucky placed a glass next to him before he got up and went back to the bedroom. Steve sighed, he was too tired to fight and decided to just listen to him. The water had something in it and Steve could feel how it relaxed him, his headache slowly turning out as static noise in the back. 

Bucky came back soon and helped him to get up on his feet and into bed again. Steve felt as if he was slowly being swallowed by a dark cloud. He didn’t remember if he said something or not, but Bucky didn’t leave the room. Instead he sat down in a chair next to the bed and Steve tried to reach out to him, but his hand just fell down next to him. This time the last thing he saw was Bucky’s eyes. 

—

It was hard for him to keep up with time, but Bucky would wake him up from time to time to give him food and something to drink. He didn’t remember many details, but he noticed that sometimes it was light outside and sometimes dark. He felt as if he lived in a weird hazy dream where nothing was real. His emotions were spread out all over the place and the only thing that Steve could really understand that the dumb part of him was loving all the attention he was receiving from Bucky. It felt as if he had been starved, but with Bucky taking care of him he was slowly building himself up in another way. The short times that Steve could get to look at him he could read off an equal confinement in Bucky’s eyes. He had missed something too and Steve wasn’t sure, but once before he fell asleep he said that to him. He told him something stupid about how the other had something that built the other one up. Bucky has just looked at him and this time when Steve had reached out Bucky had moved his chair a bit closer and Steve had fallen asleep with his hand on Bucky’s knee.

—

Steve woke up pleasantly. The sun had found it’s way in through the curtains and the room was covered in a warm glow. Steve felt as if he was in one of those paradise movies. He stretched and he could feel how well rested his was. His body didn’t feel sore anymore and his throat didn’t hurt. He wasn’t sure how long he had been with Bucky now or what day it was, the only thing that he was sure regarding time was that it was morning. Steve let himself close his eyes and roll around a bit in the soft sheets. The only thing that was missing was that Bucky’s scent had disappeared from them and Steve wasn’t sure if it was because he had rolled around the whole bed or if it was because Bucky had managed to somehow change the sheets. Could have been when Bucky had forced him to take a bath, for a moment Steve thought that Bucky was going to help him bath, but he had respectfully left Steve alone with a filled tub with hot water. Steve rolled around again and this time he was faced with a smug looking Bucky. Steve could feel how his cheeks got warmer and he licked his lips nervously. He managed to let out a soft “good morning” and Bucky just chuckled.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty. You feeling better now?” Bucky stretched out in his chair and Steve wondered if he had been sleeping like that. 

“Yeah. Much better.” Steve was pleasantly surprised when his voice came out strong and not raspy.

“Good. Stand up and walk in a straight line.” Bucky leaned back in his chair as he watched him with a neutral expression. Steve guessed that they were going back to that again. With a sigh Steve got up, thinking it was going to be easy he found himself surprised when he lost his balance. Bucky was up in a second catching him. 

“Uh, thank you. I don’t know what happened.” Steve tried to ignore how close they were and the fact that he was shirtless with just a couple too big sweatpants while Bucky was dressed in jeans and hoodie. His hoodie smelled like him and Steve tried to ignore how soft and inviting it was to just press his face against it. Okay, he was defiantly not yet completely healthy yet. 

“Probably hunger and thirst, and the fact that you slept for 14 hours straight.” Bucky’s voice was neutral, but Steve could see a hint of a cocky smile underneath the fake neutrality. 

“Oh, yeah. Probably.” Steve nodded and the moment seemed to stretch forever as he was being held up by Bucky. Him falling into Bucky’s arms was becoming a pattern. 

“Let’s get you something to eat other than soup.” Bucky finally actually smiled at him and Steve could feel the tension just falling off his shoulders. He couldn’t remember that he had eaten soup, but it made sense since he could remember that Bucky fed him something. 

“I’m going to let you go now. Try not to fall.” Bucky said it like if he was reading it from a book and Steve nodded. Slowly Bucky’s arms let him go and Steve could stand up on his own. The walk back to the kitchen was a wobbly one, but Bucky let him hold onto his arm and Steve ignored the shame that wanted to blossom out in his chest. 

“Thank you.” The words felt heavy on Steve’s tongue. He was sitting down with loads of delicious food in front of him made by the same guy that had been taking care of him the last couple of days. Bucky had literally saved his life. He couldn’t help to wonder why though. 

“Nothing to thank me for.” Bucky didn’t look at him as he made Steve a plate. 

“Yes, it is. You saved my life and you have taken good care of me, when you did even have a reason to.” Steve tried to catch his eyes as Bucky set his plate down for him to eat, but he avoided Steve’s eyes and instead turned back to pour him something to drink. 

“I know. I still don’t see that as something you should thank me for.” Bucky’s voice held something dangerous to it and Steve looked up at his back. His frame was strong and he radiated power. Steve swallowed the food down nervously. 

“I don’t understand why you did it then. You agreed that you didn’t have a reason to save me, yet you did. And not to mention the fact that you have been taking care of me when you could have just dropped me of somewhere. But you didn’t, why?” Steve had never been the one to stay quiet about what he thought. It had gotten him into many awkward, dangerous and bad situations because of it. He had gotten into debates and fights with people of all sizes and genders. He had never been nervous or worried about what they would do, but the moment he saw Bucky’s shoulder get tense his gut dropped. Bucky turned around slowly and he had something serious in his eyes. Steve knew he was fucked up in that moment, because even though he could see the danger with Buck he could still not come around the fact that he no longer had that hollow feeling in his chest.

“You are no healthy enough to have this talk yet.” Bucky’s voice was cold and Steve’s heart sank in his chest. He thanked him for the water and went back to eating quietly while Bucky walked around cleaning. When he was finished Bucky helped him back to the bed which was where he spent the rest of the day. Bucky had a tv set on the wall and Steve spent the day watching films he had never heard of. It wasn’t those typical films or anything like that, more like those that are just clips of beautiful places, incredible things and creatures you could only dream of. Steve had a weird feeling that told him that these films were made by Bucky himself and it got clearer and clearer. If he was right then Bucky had been around most of the world, in amazing buildings, climbed high mountains, explored deep woods and jungles. It was incredible to say at least, but at the same time it was another piece to the blurry puzzle that was Bucky. 

—

Next time Steve woke up it was calm and quiet outside. There was no light streaming in and when Steve checked the clock on his phone he found that it was exactly midnight. He tried to go back to sleep but he gave soon up on that as a restless feeling had settled in his gut. He was in Bucky’s house after two weeks of nothing speaking to him. There were things that had to be yet talked about and there were things Steve had to face. Not only had he spent the last couple of days in Bucky’s house, but he had been sleeping in his bed, surrounded by his smell and Bucky’s fucking wardrobe was right there for him to look into it. For some reason that had struck very odd, that he could see into where Bucky kept his clothes, because Bucky was a normal being that got dressed in the mornings and so on. It was one of those things that most humans shared in common and it made Bucky actually seem like a human. Except that Steve was now more sure than ever that Bucky was not the typical everyday Joe. 

Steve looked over to the bedroom door where he could see that gentle light was coming from which meant that Bucky was probably up. Steve closed his eyes and breathed out slowly before he got up and walked out. Bucky was laying on his couch, thick black hoodie on of course, he was reading something and Steve wanted to remember the scenery to the smallest detail. He wanted to paint it and roll up in the domestic feeling of it. The only light came from a small lamp next to the couch and a cozy little fireplace. Steve almost didn’t want to break the silence and instead he wondered how long he could stand there and just soak up the calm feeling. 

“I know I’m pretty, but it’s rude to stare.” Bucky broke the silence and Steve closed his eyes and tried to not give into feeling like a complete dumbass. When he felt as if he collected enough dignity and strength he walked over to where Bucky was laying. He sat down on a dark coffee table right in front of Bucky and tried hard not to get lost in how beautiful he looked.

“We need to talk.” Steve’s was proud of how strong his voice came out. Bucky didn’t look back at him as he put in a small bookmark in-between the pages he had been reading before he closed the book and put it down gently on the floor. 

“Talk.” Bucky tilted his head back and looked directly at him. Steve swallowed the small lump in his throat and slowly made his way over to an armchair right in front of the couch. Bucky followed his every movement with his eyes and the hair on Steve’s neck stood up. There was a certain electricity in the air, making Steve feel a strong sense of deja vu. He had been in a position like this, but he couldn’t remember when or where. He forced himself to maintain the eye contact with Bucky.

“There is something going on. There is something you hide or well you try to.” Steve couldn’t come up with a better start than that, but Bucky didn’t seem to mind as he tilted his head to the side. 

“We all hide something.” In that moment Steve knew that they weren’t going to have a decent conversation. Instead he would be once again stuck with trying to puzzle together the pieces of clues that Bucky decided to drop around himself like coins. Steve sat up a bit higher. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me or you, but I know something is. You shouldn’t put up this game and I shouldn’t play it. Yet you put it up and I’m going to play it.” Steve felt the moment the words left his lips there was no going back. Something else was waiting for him, a change and it scared him. He hadn’t thought that he wanted a change. That he could want or need anything other than the life he had, and yet he was about to change it for a man he barley knew. Bucky didn’t say anything at once, he took his time. His eyes traveled over Steve’s face, over the lines of his shoulders and down to his barefoot feet. It seemed like he was drinking him in like fine wine while deciding if he should buy the bottle or not. With a toothy grin his decision seemed to be made. 

“Let’s play then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for read and if you enjoyed it please comment or leave kudos. Or if you didn't like it please tell me what and why so that I can fix it and make it better. These are the things that push me forward and it's incredibly motivating as it shows that somebody actually is reading them mess I write.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I have tried avoiding taking anything from the culture as Steve is still a white guy from Brooklyn that just went there to escape and therefore he simply respects the surroundings and the people. He does not participate in many different things because he knows that he does not really belong and therefore stays away in a respectful manner. 
> 
> Out of personal respect I have tried to stay away from taking real names of the beaches and picking an island as there is very little information about it. If anybody feels as this is dumb or so please help me out then a little bit and I'll change it.  
> Also same goes with the Hawaiian names. I found a site on the internet that seemed reliable and I have tried to pick out REAL Hawaiian names. If there has been a mistake somewhere about it then PLEASE point it out and maybe even help me correct it.  
> In upcoming chapters there will be some Hawaiian language which is another thing I'm very insecure about as all my sources seem a bit weak so please point that out too.  
> There will also be some mentions of Hawaiian mythology so that is another thing that might need some correction.  
> I do understand that there are different types of Hawaiian and different cultures with different mythologies, so point out if I have managed to crash two together or so. 
> 
> I appreciate all help and support I can get.  
> Kudos and comments are a great way to show support and give me some very much needed motivation to keep writing.


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